Quick summary: This book is a memoir of a therapist Lori Gottlieb. She talks about some of her clients and how their journey develops, her own personal history, how she got to being a therapist and the struggles in her personal life. She also shares some “behind the scenes” facts from psychology and therapist training.
Review:
As someone who’s been going to therapy and swears by it, I was really curious what kind of trade secrets I might learn in this book. I learned that it really isn’t about therapists being some superhumans who got it all figured out and can perfectly work with their emotions and nothing ever throws them off balance. They also can say to their clients “I don’t know,” consult with their colleagues how to go about a certain client because they doubt they’re doing it right or just have days where they take 10 minute breaks between sessions to cry their heart out because everything sucks.
I enjoyed the individual stories of Lori’s patients, my favourites were Julia and John. Julia was a woman in her mid 30s fighting cancer and going to therapy to deal not with a breakup or a frustrating boss, but with the fact that she will die soon (note: Gottlieb herself mentions that it’s bullshit to give some sort of hierarchy to individual people’s problems and pain – I am not saying nobody is allowed to have problems unless they’re dying.) It was really interesting to see the challenges she is facing – is it selfish to have a child, knowing I am going to leave it without a mother? Wouldn’t the more motherly thing be not to have a child at all? Should I take a weekend job at Trader Joe’s, simply because I like the vibe? Her story was really moving, my polyamorous heart especially cried when Julia wrote a love letter to her husband’s future partner, praising her husband for all his qualities and encouraging him not to stay alone just because she died.
John was an absolutely unbearable, narcissistic and rude man in his 40s. I sticked with his story because I was really curious to see if some self-reflection will occur, if he will realise that maybe not everyone around him is an idiot, maybe he’s just acting like a jerk. Honestly, with the way he treated Lori often, I was in awe that she didn’t tell him not to speak to her like that. Maybe she did, she just didn’t mention it in the book. Self-reflection did occur eventually, read the book to find out more!
I enjoyed it when Lori Gottlieb showed her literary background, mentioning for example Bartleby the Scrivener or when she said that her first therapy was similar to her job as a journalist:
I spent years as a journalist asking probing questions and establishing a comfort level with people I didn’t know.
Chapter 30, On the Clock
And another quote that touched my heart is:
Relationships in life don’t really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you’ve been close to lives on somewhere inside you.
Chapter 58, A Pause in the Conversation
Do I recommend? Both to people who go to therapy and take interest in mental health and to people who are maybe a bit sceptical about the whole thing. All in all, this book is about humanity in all of us.
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